Things are not going that well with chasing the singing man. I texted last night and made a joke and asked if he had fun weekend plans, and he wrote back quickly enough and told me, but that was it. I should just forget about him but I can’t because when he sings, he kind of makes a face like Snoopy dancing and singing, or howling.
But last night I had to cover an event at Lord and Taylor (of all places), and this guy Matt Titus was there. He and his co-author were pimping out their new book, Why Hasn’t He Called?, so I told them the situation and Matt gave me some advice. I was a little skeptical at first, because he’s very orange-tan and Tamsen wears so much makeup I’m surprised she can still make facial expressions. But he told me that guys in New York have too many options. Apparently there are 200,000 more single females than single males in this town, and you have to stand out to get attention. His advice was to wait till after the weekend and then say something like, “Are you around this week?” and maybe suggest a drink, and I was like, “Are you around? Really? That’s so vague,” but then I realized that a guy had texted that exact sentence to me not 4 hours before. I still have kind of a bad feeling about the whole thing, but Matt seems to think that all is not lost, so I’m going to test this out and see what happens. Think like a man! “Use man-speak,” he said. “That’s the best way to communicate with them.” And he also seems to think that a little aggression is ok in chasing the guy, as long as you do it in a strong way and don’t come off as desperate. So on Sunday night, I’m going to try this text. Cross your fingers!
I also had a lunch date with this guy Wednesday that never happened because he lost his phone at home and couldn’t find me to say what time and place. So I thought he just stood me up, and then he texted after work and was all apologetic. I accepted and we rescheduled for Thurs. lunch, but then at 11 he texted and said there was a “surprise meeting” at work and he couldn’t make it. I was pretty much done after that, but he called last night and was very nice, so we’ll see. I can already pretty much tell that nothing big is going to happen with this guy, but he’s a good distraction and he’s nice.
But what I want is singer guy to call me! I’m honestly a little confused why he’s not as interested as I think he should be. He seemed so sweet and into me, and we have a lot to talk about as far as us both having interesting hobbies and things to say to each other. But like Matt said, guys are clueless. Plus given the circumstances through which we met and hooked up, etc., this guy doesn’t really know me. He has a picture of me that may or may not be accurate. He might think that I hook up with random guys all the time, or he might think that I was unsatisfied and he shouldn’t repeat, or something else equally off. And I guess there’s no harm in trying. Worst case scenario, I never see him again. And that’s probably what’s going to happen if I don’t say anything, so I might as well give it a try.
It’s only a minor rant. But gah. Man up, men! I’m tired of guys saying stuff like, “Ping me after work if you feel like it,” and “Maybe we can hang soon,” and “I might go to this party this weekend, maybe I’ll see you there.”
If you like me, you should say, “Hey, you are cool and smart and fun, do you want to have dinner with me on xxx day?”
If you don’t like me, that’s ok! Not everyone likes me. But don’t act like you kind of might be sort of into me just to save face. And don’t think that it makes me feel better. I don’t need someone to like me to feel good about myself. I’d prefer honesty. Not that waffling is always dishonest, but you know. Get your shit together, guys! I want fewer shades of gray.
Why is it that the boy you want to call is always the one that doesn’t call? I have a lunch date next week with the guy from the Night of the Embarrassing Moment and there’s talk of a hang out with another boy I met Friday, but the one I want most to call hasn’t yet. I suppose technically I did just leave his house yesterday morning, but I would love a text!
I went to a house party on Friday to meet J, and J/G showed up later. I talked to a lot of people there and it was fun, and I got really drunk and then J and J/G had to go to some other bar where you had to be on a list, and they left me there alone! I ended up talking to this guy who played guitar and sang the slightly offensive “Kiss De Girl” from the Little Mermaid. Then there were some other songs played and I was horrified, because that kind of thing makes me really uncomfortable. And then there was more drinking and talking, and then J and J/G came back to get me, but by then I felt better enough to figure out what I was doing. They left, and Poor Man’s Sebastian (Sebastian being the crab who sang the song on the movie) and I went to a bar nearby for a drink. He held my hand and I felt like I was 12, and then he kissed me in the bar and then we went back to his house. I’ve never hooked up with someone on the same day we’d met before! He claims to have done that only once before, 4 years ago.
It seems suspicious that he knows that number right off the top of his head. And I saw a tampon applicator thrown away in his bathroom trash can. What if he has a girlfriend? He was so sweet to me, I want him to call! And then I’ll ask if he has a girlfriend…. Or I’ll just snoop around his house some more and see if he has doubles of his toiletries. If there are two brands of one product, there could be a semi-permanent girl presence.
The guy I met Wednesday didn’t call until Sunday. So Poor Man’s Sebastian has a couple days, I guess. But I’m impatient! I want it now!
While I was at his house, I dreamed that he was SL, but the situation was still that I had met him and gone home with him that night, and so I dreamed that I woke up and all these people had come over. They were all slaves! It turned out that Poor Man’s Sebastian/SL had come into some money somehow, and had taken home or otherwise enslaved all these people. They were paid a wage, but it was low and they weren’t allowed to leave. They were hired to sit around and play video games with him and entertain him during the day since he had somehow gotten enough money to not need to work any more.
I don’t know if you guys ever did this, but you know when you’re young and you play those games where you’re supposed to get to know each other in class or something, and so you all put questions in a hat and someone always has to write “What was your most embarrassing moment?” and then you tell and everyone is all “awwwwww” and sympathetic? I never really had anything to say because, while lots of things made me uncomfortable or shy, etc., not that many things truly embarrassed me. I think the thought of having to answer the question in front of a group of people embarrassed me more than anything that had actually ever happened to me.
Last night the website I freelance for sent me to this party which various white people described as “rough” but I thought it was a pretty good mix of people. But it was definitely very showy. Spray tans and fake boobs were in abundance. I snuck in as part of someone else’s posse and then had to convince the bouncer to let my photographer in too. Luckily we were on the comp list as promised, but it was a bitch to keep the photog there. He’s really nice and smart but kind of older and not into that kind of party.
I just wrote a version of this email to DG. This is how my night went:
1. convinced the photog not to ditch me while I got beer
2. got to the bar and started talking to some random boys, who turned out to be the friends of my most embarrassing hookup, and they all knew me as the girl that hooked up with xxx.
3. slunk away to “check on the photog”
4. convinced him AGAIN not to ditch me, esp. in light of the small world situation
5. talked to friends of friends of my most embarrassing hookup about whether or not the guy that just passed was Turtle from Entourage
6. taught them push pull and was instantly the coolest girl ever
7. got number closed by one of them and invited to a future lunch. and invited home with him, but I declined
8. hand kissed by a short fat man wearing a teal suit and matching glowing hat who calls himself uncle jimmy
9. couldn’t get service at the bar. stole a bottle of grey goose and ran off with about 25 slices of lime to do shots with the boys
10. went to that friend’s house that I stay at sometimes but he never puts the moves on me. I texted to see if he was out, then he told me to come crash if I want. so I did. and NOTHING happened. gaaaaahhhhh
An exchange between me and my mom, discussing her old Mac and whether or not to upgrade. Nancy is her fake online name, btw.
nancy: a while back when I went to the apple store, trying to find out upgrading to 10.4, the man said it can’t be done because my computer has too long ttooth
Yes, will need new monitor
me: tooth? it’s teeth are too long?
nancy: hahaha,,,
the imac is too old
me: oh, it’s too long in the tooth!
nancy: no wonder daddy laughed when I used that expression
My mom came to visit once when I was in China, and all the friends that met her said it gave them a whole new perspective on me and that my sense of humor and the things I say make so much more sense now. I’m going to take that as a compliment.
They were shooting a movie or something, and me and J wanted to stick around and see if we could get some kraft service food but we were too tired.
I went to this eco thing and met Lauren Bush! She’s so nice and she gave me her bracelet! It’s made of acai berries so it’s nothing I can pawn off for cash, but it was very sweet of her!
I wasn’t sure it was her at first, so I sent a man with an eyepatch to talk to her first while I chatted with a girl from Cirque du Soileil (sp?) who was wearing an outrageous hat with a 5 foot-long feather. I want it!
I quit the lingerie shop today! I got a new part time job at another nonprofit so I can’t continue at the shop. I’m pretty excited, as this week I had some really bitchy customers who complained the entire time about our stock and accused me of falsely jacking up the prices. And a kid pissed his pants and got a bit on one of the ottomans. And today (Saturday) was so rainy and cold that I did less than $200.
I’ve known for sure that I was quitting since early yesterday, but I didn’t get a chance to tell my boss till this evening. I’ve been so nervous and really stressed about it, because I hate letting people down and causing trouble for them. Today my boss called at the end of the day and I got up the courage to tell her that I’m quitting (I could tell I was nervous because I started talking too fast), and after all that worrying, her response was, “Oh, ok.” That’s it! I told her I was leaving in two weeks and she was like, “Ok, you’re giving me enough advance notice.” It was really anti-climactic. She’s going to have a hard time finding someone as responsible as me! I’m the only one that cleans and puts things back in their right places and I’m the only one that gets tipped occasionally!
Now I’m making a list of the stuff I should buy with my discount before I go. Possibly one white leather bag, possibly some more underwear. But I’ve already bought most of what I want in the store, so even that aspect of quitting is anti-climactic. It’s the most boring quit ever. Once I quit Target after working a month as the Shoe Expert (for real, that was my title) and told them that I was going back to Hong Kong because my grandmother was dying. Except it was kind of an accident, in that I was actually quitting to go back and teach and I sort of mentioned my old grandma and somehow it got turned into “Susan’s grandmother is on her deathbed and she’s going back to the motherland to be with her.” It’s just as well. That was an awful job.
Sorry for the lack of updates; I moved and we don’t have Internet yet in the new house. I’m still waiting….
Last night I got sent to report on a shopping event at this boutique in Soho and it was kind of a disaster. We were cleared with corporate, but somehow the store didn’t get the message, so the model-type boy in all black guarding the door wouldn’t let us in since we weren’t on The List. I understand he’s got a job to do, so I was like, “Oh, I’m sorry but I think our publicist spoke with xxxxx in PR and xxxx, the store manager, can you check with them really quick?” and he got pissy and shut the door in my face and said the store was currently “at capacity”, despite the fact that there were about 10 customers and dozens of unclaimed glasses of Hypnotiq and champagne. I knocked on the glass and yelled, “We’re press! We’ve already RSVPed!” but he ignored me. After about 20 minutes of waiting outside, we got it all sorted out and we were allowed inside. Hypnotiq is disgusting, by the way.
I talked to people, we shot some photos, I chatted up a model/storeboy for some info. I also talked to an intern and asked some stuff. We were not allowed to have gift bags, as they were “for paying customers ONLY.” And the food was kind of like frozen stuff from Kroger. But it was free, and I was happy until this morning, when the our publicist emailed and said that she was very alarmed to hear from the store/designer’s PR that I was asking inappropriate and rude questions! I won’t get into specifics, but the short story is that I did not (exactly), and once I told the real story to the publicist she agreed, and then I had to write a fakey apology note to the the PR lady.
And what makes me the most angry about the whole thing is that I thought everyone I met was very nice! I wasn’t going to say anything bad about them because a few people were really nice to take time out to talk to me. But being shut out and told that the store was full, and then not being allowed to have a gift bag (even though they want us to write about one of the things inside), and then being told on by the (female) intern that I spoke to – all that leaves an even worse taste in my mouth than the Hypnotiq did.
Moral of the story: women love to backstab. Always chat up the male model. He seemed happy enough to have someone to talk to. His job as coat boy must be boring. But the guy at the door? I don’t understand how you can call up such meanness for only $15 an hour. For $15 an hour, I’d be kind to the little people. “Welcome, one and all! Homeless? We’ve got free appetizers!”
Mike D keeps calling me to ask if I’ve “gotten any action” lately. Stop asking! It makes me feel like I’m supposed to be getting more than I am. I’m in the midst of a blue period; I don’t feel like sweet action. I feel like going to sleep and not waking up until my room is painted, there’s a doorknob on my door, a rug on my floor, a mirror on my wall, a working outlet in the bathroom, a rack to hang my clothes on, and (if I might take this a little further) a good-looking man in the kitchen making me hamburgers with bleu cheese and portobello mushrooms, and a little dog to play with me until it’s time for dinner.
